It just keeps getting better. But, it feels like just last week I was doing this [You were]. And now, it's already time for another SMACKDOWN with the Facts of Lyfe.
I had some issues coming up with a topic for this week's Facts, and with alot of counsel [james goodman, alex furgeson, and kalissa], I have decdided to use none of your suggested topics lol. Well, Alex kinda. But the other ones will appear in future FACTS, trust me.
Todays topic is RAP SUPASTAR!!
You wanna be a rapper and get paid? just follow this weeks FACTS OF LYFE, and trust me, you'll be in the big leagues.
Ready? Let's do it.
Fact: You must place yourself in a category: gangster, back-packer. concious. southern. eastcoast. westcoast. etc....
Fact: Each category had TOO MANY DAMN SUBCATEGORIES! but you must also choose one. Let's examine.
West Coast: Bay area, Gangster, SoCal, Punk, Alternative [alt. will be used to describe those not recognized by the mainstreem]
East Coast: NYC, DMV, Philly
Southern: ATL, HTOWN, any thing encompassed in the state of Florida, random ass states in between texas and Georgia, Ratchett, N.O. Bounce, New Orleans
Back-packer: Hipster, alternative, concious
okay im done. too many
Fact: You must have an extensive crew and entourage with a really cool name.
Fact: You must have your own clothing line or exclusively support/wear some high fashion line.
Fact: You must enlist the hottest producer at the time to produce some of your songs.
Fact: You absolutely MUST talk reckless on any DVD magazine interviews. This is crucial, because the 13 year olds that actually BUY these insteada lookin' at them for free on the internet must BELIEVE in your gangster.
Fact: You have to take a formerly homosexual trend and make it cool. Or, you can be openly homosexual and make it cool.
Fact: You must associate with a notorious gang. Bloods and Crips or old news so take the side road. Don't forget about the Vicelords, Latin Kings, Folk Nation. They need love too.
Fact: You must name yourself after a notoroiously violent drug dealer from your hometown and claim his street life as your own. If you're from some place that doesn't have this commodity, then just make one up, along with your street life.
Fact: You must beef with at least ONE prominent rapper.
Fact: You must sleep with Rocsi from 106 and park.
Fact: You must tell all media outlets of your fiasco.
Fact: You have to make a coonerific song with a trendy dance to match. The best way to do this is to use old nursery rhymes or children's games that originated in slavery and put them over deep bass and claps.
Fact: You must talk like you only made it to 3rd grade grammar and/or language.
Fact: The only topics to be found in your songs are topics of awesome adultery, good gangsterism, hollywood hatin' , and stuntastic ballin'.
Fact: Your beats must have a chopped and screwed voice on the chorus with 70's soul music sample of a song you probably never heard or know any thing about.
....man it's alotta facts this week...okay a few more.
Fact: When asked in an interview who your influences were, you must respond by saying, "I ain't have no influences, just mah niggaz"
Fact: When speaking on political or world issues, the only commentary you should give is..."that's bullshit yah know"
Fact: You must make a song about your favorite shoe, with Jermaine Dupri. AND have T-Pain do the chorus
Okay....that's this week's facts. Check-in next week for another awesome go @ it.
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